We’re pleased to have been reviewed on BookTrib.com! The best part is that the writer’s relationship was personally helped by using the Pick Your Battles method! It’s so thrilling to see the book out there in the wild helping people!
One of the reasons I wrote Pick Your Battles was because there weren’t a lot of relationship books that connected with men — to truly tap into a husband or boyfriend’s perspective when it comes to nourishing a relationship. It was a perspective I happened to have from experience, and I wanted to share it. It can be a sensitive topic for men to break down our barriers in fostering love and understanding. It can be an issue of stubbornness to forego communication and deal with feelings inwardly. I wanted to truly express the value of finding the common ground through arguments, strong notions, and big decisions. To really show that the man’s role in creating harmony is equally essential to a happy relationship.
As such, while trying to be as encompassing as I could, I catered the language and themes in Pick Your Battles to men, using examples of everything from peace treaties to atom bombs, from the lens of my own life. I am a diehard sports fan, and I happen to speak four languages fluently (football, basketball, hockey and baseball), so I used metaphors from my own literal experience to convey points. I also treated seemingly trivial or petty topics — such as the ordering of pizza, which is something we can all understand — with the same respect as I would a heavy topic, such as dealing in family situations or financial strains.
I didn’t want to get hung up on who was right or wrong in any given example fight, but rather to talk about how we argue in general. Or how we can fight fairly so we get to the heart of the matter and don’t hurt each other in the process.
When Trisha and I came up with the concept for Pick Your Battles, I felt it was imperative to give that perspective first and foremost, though obviously the situations are meant to speak to everyone.
Men get sort of discounted when it comes to relationships. If you watch movies or TV commercials, we’re just a bunch of dumb brutes who can’t get stains out of laundry and generally sit around watching sports (with each other) eating wings and Tostitos. Our TV wives watch us and shake their heads at our cluelessness.
But honestly, my relationship is pretty important to me. Although I consider myself a competent dude, Trisha means the world to me and I don’t think I would be able to do what I do in life without her. So, I want to keep our marriage healthy and both of us happy.
If you’re on this page right now, I’m guessing your relationship is equally important to you, and you’re willing to work at it to keep it running on all cylinders. There are lots of ways to tell your partner you value them besides staring soulfully into their eyes and saying “I value you.” (Although, as weird as that might seem, it wouldn’t hurt?). Sometimes “I value you” comes in the form of saying, “okay, yeah, you’ve had a shitty day and you want to go out for sushi when I was thinking pizza? Pizza comes and pizza goes, tonight, I’m up for some unagi!”
The point is I’m not as clueless as TV might make me (a guy) seem. Trisha is more complex than those same TV wives. And when it comes down to it, doing what’s right for my relationship as a whole is not that hard. It just may look a little different when it’s filtered through my sports-dominated brain!
Here’s a short excerpt from the book, Pick Your Battles: Relationships. How did the Pick Your Battles Method begin? This is the way!
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Imagine you’re on your honeymoon. You’re driving in Florence, Italy with your brand new, beloved spouse. The bells of the Duomo ring in the background. Buildings that are hundreds of years old rise up around the narrow streets you’re navigating. The sun is shining and casting shadows over the cafes and courtyards you’re driving by, en-route to your destination.
Now imagine that the GPS has just guided you down a one way street that’s blocked at the end by a street market.
You’re stuck.
Your spouse looks at you. You start to back up. A bike rolls up out of nowhere and you bump it.
No harm done, but some choice words are barked in your direction in hot-tempered Italian.
You’re sweating. Your spouse is still looking at you.
This is literally two days into your marriage.
Your spouse says the four fateful words no one ever wants to hear.
“What are you doing?”
Remember, you’re in Italy. It’s your honeymoon! You’re supposed to be relaxing, drinking wine, eating great food and topping everything off with a gelato. You’re supposed be buying winsome souvenirs in the street market that’s blocking your way. This is supposed to be like one of those romantic comedy montages, where two people are falling in love…except that you’re already in love and you’re already married…which means, well, this scene is more likely the start of an argument.
What are you doing? You’re stressed out, right? It’d be easy to snap right back: What does it look like I’m doing? I’m trying to get us out of this!
But do you really want to have an argument right now? In the romantic confines of Florence?
Does your spouse?
Be honest.
Is this a Battle you want to pick?
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